Someone who is pregnant for the first time asked me what the terrible twos are like… I didn’t want to give the the honest truth otherwise that baby will never be born! So I said I’ll write a blog post on tips on how to get through. Please bear in mind my monkey is only two and a half so this list could treble quite easily over the coming months….
1. Sleep is for the weak. Still. Buy concealer. I get my from Avon so I don’t even have to leave the house!
2. The word No. Beyond painful to hear. It sends signals of pain and exhaustion through my body when my two year old says it. Today I sat for 10 minutes as I ran out of energy trying to change her nappy. You get the idea. Ear plugs?
3. Potty training is literally a pain in the bum. After months of introducing the potty she still doesn’t want to know. I came up with reassurance that I don’t know anyone who was 18 in nappies so I can wait until the time is right. It saves the headaches and the want for wine at 10am.
4. Don’t ever mistake any quietness as quiet well behaved playtime. They have usually found a crayon and using it on something they shouldn’t.
5. Always have some chocolate hidden somewhere. Not for the toddler but for you. To me a stay at home day with a toddler who is quite frankly a nutter is harder than a days paid work. Chocolate is my pay for toddler days.
6. The get out of bed/stay in bed routine. Each morning (especially work/nursery mornings) I get told “no stay in bed mummy”. Yet bed time she just doesn’t want to stay in her bed but wants to stand at the stairgate for a sing-song. And…. Why do they wake even earlier on the days I don’t work. It’s if they know…..
7. Their wardrobes. Far more stylish that your own and you have little money for yourself due to said wardrobe.
8. Stickers. Everywhere. Even on the bit of your arm you can’t see in a mirror yet someone points out in a work meeting that you have a Peppa pig sticker on your top. Classy.
9. You cannot eat anything in peace. What is yours is theirs. Yet to get them to eat exactly the same thing from their plate is like crazy apparently.
10. Storage of lunch. You think they have eaten that sandwich you made them for lunch. Reward with a pudding. Find said sandwich in a toy handbag three hours later.
But it’s fine otherwise people wouldn’t have children or go the whole hog and provide them with siblings…. Right?!