Dreaming what you want to be when you grow up is meant to happen when you are small right?
Choices made at the early age. To do the right exams and get the right grades to land that dream job.
I did that. And I got a law degree.
It’s been over 10 years since I graduated with that law degree and I’m not a lawyer. Far from it. Well not completely true I do use elements of employment law in my job but not worth the years I studied for how much I use my degree. I fell short of my dream of becoming a personal injury lawyer. I even got into law school at Oxford but the dream got stomped on. 5 years ago I started a new job and 5 years in I’m still doing the job. I love my job, and I’m good at it but there is a part of me that feels I made the wrong choice back when I was choosing my GCSEs.
I loved to read so I wanted to do my English literature A level but there was a reason why I wasn’t allowed to do it. I can’t remember why. To this day I regret it. I loved taking apart Shakespeare language in Romeo and Juliet as part of my Gcse English. I still love the art of language now.
Yet today sat at my desk I felt dis-heartened. I also received a rejection email from a literary agent but it’s not that that upset me. I wish I found my writing 10 or even 15 years ago, I could have perfected my skill by now and not spend a rushed hour here or there to write as a hobby.
Is it too late?
The realisation has taken me away and slightly numb today. Uncertainty of choices and decisions ran through my head. The stupid “what ifs” spung up as if to wave at me and say don’t forget us. Whilst I know I’m going to get rejections thats part and parcel of being a writer, I just wish I followed my heart and fought to do my English Lit A level.
Anger then boiled up. No. This is what I enjoy doing and I’m also good at it (despite that my book synopsis wasn’t that particular literary agent’s cup of tea). I gave up on a dream when I was 16, I just needed to realise the right pathway for that dream.
Even if it takes me to an age where a bus pass is free to get something published, dreams aren’t just for teenagers and who said I’m grown up now anyway?