Success

What exactly is success?

I’m sat here on a Sunday. It may be a Wednesday for all I know as days are just the same these days. Apart from three days of the week where I have extra “fun” putting work into the mix and creating extra “joy”.

My boredom of yet another day surviving on no sleep and tumble weed passing by it’s got me thinking what would you class as success?

It’s the same with most things at the moment. Work, life…Nothing is sparking joy but I’ve got nothing to kondo as kids nappies still need changing, still have to wash my husbands pants, run a house, make sure the kids survive and then there’s work. Just like everyone else.

Is just treading water classed as success? As you can only tread water for so long.

It’s been a bad week, lots of bad news, and lots of struggles and tears. I look at the reason behind the tears and it’s frustration. From a young age I’ve worked hard to succeed. I studied hard got a law degree and always strived for success but it’s weeks like this that I question success. I never seem to feel like I achieve it. Never good enough, wishing I was content with what I have I suppose, the greed or maybe my own expectations push me so far I’m disappointed.

This is one of my own struggles. Something I need to work on personally. Enjoyment of life, does it require success? All behaviours are learnt, maybe I’ve been treading water so long I’ve forgotten what I’ve learnt in the past and who I really am and what I really want.

I know I want sleep, but with kids and a constant snoring husband that’s something I’ve got to get used to, but what else is there? Maybe the sleep deprivation has caused me to stop looking for what makes me happy. I know mums always put themselves last but struggling to smile and see any happiness isn’t right.

But how do you change that to find that success? I’m too tired to put on the fake smile anymore. I’m too busy rushing from school run to work to take a breath, how can I change things to make me happy when I’m knackered by 9.30am and actually the day has just started. Maybe getting to work in the first place should be classed as a success as I managed to get 2 monsters and myself somewhere that includes a 40 minute drive, on time.

Next week my challenge is to list 3 successes of the day to start to trick my mind from the lack of confidence I seem to have adopted.